were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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