Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize