she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
