yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
