I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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