just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
