I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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