The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
