Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
