whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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