Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Soap is not a condiment
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
