I just pynch a tree in the face
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
