i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
