It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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