Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
