I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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