So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
