Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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