So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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