actually, I'm a sock model
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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