I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
