I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize