Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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