Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
