wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
