Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
