You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
