May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
