just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
