take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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