You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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