Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
