I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
