So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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