anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
