There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
