Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
