Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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