I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
