i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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