I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
