My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
