I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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