If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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