It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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