Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
