with your own penis?
he shaved USA in his pubs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
