Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
