Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
