How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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