Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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