I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
