I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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