Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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