She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
