Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
