I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
