Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
