So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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