it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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