I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
