Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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