woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
