all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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