Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
